geee, i guess it's been awhile. i could say that (thanks to sheri) i found my jewel quest game again, and got hooked on it. now i remember why i stopped playing it. i have been on the same level for these two weeks that i was on months ago when i gave up. now i am way behind on my pogo badges and life is falling apart.
had a fight with mike last night. we rarely fight so every time we do i have to remind myself that it's all cool. if he leaves my life goes on just like it has before. to make it sort of short, i fixed chicken for dinner and we were just getting ready to have one of our few meals a week together when emily brought the phone out and she was crying. it seems her boyfriend in mass. broke up with her. which i thought happened a couple of weeks ago and she was fine. but they had still been talking until last night. so i went in her room with her for quite a while, there really wasn't much i could say, just hold her and let her cry. i honestly didn't know she was so serious about him. they had discussed getting married!!! she is only 17..how can you make her see that this will pass and unfortunately she will probably go through it a few more times before she finds someone for her. so i didn't even try to talk much, just sat there with her. but then when i came back out, mike was all bent out of shape because i didn't eat with him. he went to bed pissed off..oh wait..did i mention he ran out of his last vicadin 2 days ago? anyone see a connection there? so then when booboo and i went to bed he kept petting her but to do that he had to sit up, and in so doing he pulled all my covers off. so after about 10 minutes of that shit i said "can i have some blanket please?" and he just sat there petting booboo so i said "i guess not"..so he jumps up says "you talk to f#@$%n much" and i said "excuse me" and he says "did i f%^$#ing stutter?" any way, it progressed to him sleeping on the couch til about 4 am and me calling him an asshole (which he is)..wait..let me digress. i left out the funny part. while i was fixing dinner he told me he was out of vicadin but he was ok, he didn't go around zombie like asking anyone at work if they had some. because (here is the good part, and i quote him "i just don't have an addictive personality" i have mentioned that he is an alcoholic and smokes a pack a day, haven't i? so what do the psychologist call this? oh i know DENIAL!!! shit, i have a weight problem and a food compulsion, but at least i admit it. i don't try to pass it off as a thyroid problem (hello oprah) or some metabolic malfunction. so, needless to say, it was very quiet here this morning. i got his clothes ready and his thermos of coffe then i took the dogs for a walk, came home and worked in the kitchen til he left. so know i have a text on my cell telling me he" is sorry will he ever quit being so stupid" what can i say to that. first thing i think is sure, maybe some day if he finds someone he respects he will quit being a jerk.
so, what else has been occupying my time? well, i have a mouse problem. i could hear them scampering around under the stove, so i put poison traps under there. i used to worry about the cats getting the mice filled with poison, but then i figured if i have four cats and a mouse problem, then my cats aren't eating the mice anyway. so this morning i looked and found a dehyrated mouse (not as in thirsty..as in all dried out). and tim dumped the corn in the trash for me, so that might also help. my brother works on a farm and got some corn on the cob. when my mom asked if i wanted some i said just a few..so she gives me 2 big bags full. of course we couldn't eat it all and i don't have time to fix it up to freeze so it just sat on the porch getting micified. i bet those mice thought they had it made for the winter, a nice warm spot by the pilot light , 2 bags of corn on the cob,and 3 dogs to keep the cats away (like there was any real threat there).
as far as the tae-bo..well, i have been working out almost every day since i started. just maybe 5 days when i had other things to get done early so i skipped it. i don't see any change yet, except for the fact that my bad foot hurts more. and i really am trying to watch what i eat (wouldn't want anyone to sneak some nasty healthy thing in on me while my eyes are closed). what do i have left now?maybe 8 weeks? i can almost feel that last minute panic already, praying for a massive snow storm so i don't have to go. or maybe i won't even be married by then..after last night, who knows?

day 4 of my quest to go to the other side. i have tae-boed 3 days in a row, but i took today off. emily had a girlfriend spend the night, and i didn't want to wake them by jumping all around the living room. (does that sound like a good excuse?) i am not hardly sore at all, which i guess means i am not working hard enough. tomorrow i will try for 35 minutes. i also have another incentive to lose weight now. i read on the internet (what did we do before the www.com world arrived?) , that obese people are going to cause the demise of the mitten industry!!! it seems fat peoples extremeties stay warm longer so they don't need to cover them up, now the mitten industry is going to die because of obesity. however, there was no mention of the glove industry....i couldn't figure that out, but i think now i have it. fat people have fat fingers..so they don't wear gloves (to constricting.)so the glove industry can continue to cater to paris hilton and all her anorexic friends.
on another note,mike got a part time job at bear creek. he worked there before but quit to go to winco, now he asked his old boss if he could just work 4 hours a night til the season is over, to earn the money for our trip and to buy me something nice for christmas. so now he is full time winco/part time bear creek and i am full time bear creek/part time winco. i told him it's ok, as long as he doesn't start getting all crabby. every time in the past he has worked two jobs, he gets impossible to be around. he is just nothing without his 10 hours of beauty sleep every night. he has mentioned getting me a piece of jewelry, but he doesn't know what. i guess thats nice, but i am not a jewelry person. he already gave me an engraved ankle bracelet that i can wear all the time (once every six months i take it off to shave under it, otherwise i have to start braiding the hair around my ankles).and we have matching wedding bands. the thing about jewelry is that i can't wear it to work. the only thing allowed in the bakery is a plain wedding ring, nothing with stones, and no necklaces, earrings, nose rings, tongue rings, belly button rings or rings in places i don't want to think about...no watches or bracelets. so besides the anklet that no one knows i wear, what else is there? i wonder if i could convince him to buy me a 32" lcd tv, that i will wear around my neck.

boy, did i do a dumb thing. mike asked me the other day if we could go down to his parents just for christmas eve dinner, and the family portrait they take every year. he said he wanted me in it before i die (which i will get to later), and i said "sure". well, what the hell was i thinking? when i first met his family i weighed about 130 (and still thought i was fat)..then a year or so ago we went down for his moms 80th birthday and i was a little heavier. now i am a lot heavier..and i don't want to go and have people thinking "god, what happened to her?" so now what do i do? if i start seriously now, it is 12 weeks til i have to go, how much could i lose in 3 months? or do i do what i normally do, which is start next week..then the next week..then the next week..til i am down to "OH MY GOD...I NEED TO LOSE 30 POUNDS IN 4 DAYS". so, this morning i got up and did 30 minutes of tae-bo..and you know what? it felt really good. that's how i lost all my weight before, i was 220 pounds after i had emily in 1992, and at 5'2" i was pretty round. i didn't walk anywhere, i just tucked my legs in and rolled. then i started taebo. i worked out one hour every day of the week and lost 90 pounds. for some reason once mike and i got married it all started going down hill. but in fairness to me, and this isn't just making up excuses, we also started doing 4/10s at work. 8 hours on concrete floors is bad enough, but 10 hours is a killer..and i walk all night long. the line people get to pick a spot to work and they have mats to stand on, but doing ovens means i am back and forth constantly. so now i get home at almost 2am, get to bed by 2:30 and wake up about 4 hours later (i think my mind just automatically wakes up after years of getting the kids up before 7 for the school bus). it all makes getting up to work out very difficult. anyways, i did 30 minutes this morning, and tomorrow i will go for 31. but, what really started the whole thing was the other night i got home and there was a newspaper article on my desk...you don't need to read it all, the title is enough. mike left it for me. he has always said he loves me whatever way i am, but when he read this it apparently opened his eyes. now he thinks i am going to die from fat. actually the whole article pissed me off..correct me if i am wrong, but doesn't being overweight cut EVERYONES life expectancy? don't fat men die sooner? fat kids? fat dogs? fat cats?who pays for a stupid study like this, where the outcome is obvious before it even begins? you might as well spend 20 million dollars on a study to conclude that most deaths in an airplane crash are the result of hitting the ground. and further more, i don't clip articles out on the dangers of smoking and leave them on his desk. oh well, i will keep you posted on my progress..be prepared for a blog on december 23rd wherein i beg god for a humongous snow storm to block the pass until march. you know the really ironic thing? i think mike is truly more interested in getting booboo into the family picture than he is in getting me in it.and she doesn't care how big her hips are, i should just let them go. he already emailed his mom to ask if it was ok to bring her. she said it was.
last night at work i had a bad moment, that this morning i can laugh about. there is this really nasty old lady that started a few weeks ago, and i really don't like her, so i just stay away from her as much as i can. last night she was racking on the cookie machine and when the depanners went to lunch i knew she would run out of racks close to her. so in order to be half-assed kind, i went clear to the other side of the bakery and brought two racks over, then i went clear to the other side of the bakery and brought two more. i parked them on the opposite side of the roller from her so they would be out of the way. then she said something that i didn't hear, so i said "what?" (thinking perhaps she was thanking me) HA! what she said was "could you bring those around to this side so they will be closer?" i just looked at her, took the full rack of cookies and walked off with it. of course, once i was in my oven room i let loose..if anyone had walked through i would have gotten a write up for my language. i wanted to go tell her "do you know how many f@#$ times i walk across this f@#$% building every f@#$ night?" and i also wanted to tell her "those 4 f@#$ racks are closer than the others f@#$ racks over in the corner that you can go get yourself, you nasty old b***h"... pardon my bleeps, but one of my pet peeves is working with lazy people while i am working my ass off. and the fact that this old lady seems to think everyone owes her something doesn't help...and she whines all the time too. but today i have a whole new attitude..if she comes anywhere near me i am just going to calmly look at her and tell her to back off because i have dr. kervorkian on speed dial.