SUMMER IS HERE!
All the women wear sandals.
My ugly feet are stuffed
like turkeys into shoes.
I wonder, where do they
find the time to paint their
toenails?

well, all is certainly not well here. mike just sits here and stews all the time then when he goes to work he sends me these long text about "get this done, get that done" etc. Now i am supposed to get brian out on july 1st, then when emily gets a job and can cover his car insurance he can come back here to stay and look for work. sounds reasonable, except for brian has nothing left to go home too. he quit his job to stay here, he cancelled his car ins. back there. and among all this my nerves are frayed. the truth is, even if they both get a job and try to save money to move out, he will still be stewing about them being here. so i can see this coming to no good end. my neighbor has her 30+ year old son living with her, not working, just drinking and hanging out. they fight all the time. my other neighbor has his 30+ son living with him, i don't here any fighting, but his son drinks and has lost his drivers lisence. my other neighbor let her son move a travel trailer onto her front lawn for months til he went to jail for drug charges (what a messed up neighborhood, mr. rogers would be so proud). and as mentioned before, mike moved home with his parents several times in his adult life...so what the F**K is his problem? I am just truly tired of everything being all about him. i don't think he has ever once considered my feelings in all this and the fact that i am not going to toss my daughter out or her boyfriend. I am tired of tippy toeing around worried about what will make him mad. do you know something dumb? the other night i went to bed and he was crabby earlier so i didn't turn my light on. i only managed to pull up the quilt and get under it instead of between the . sheets...here is the dumb part..i just slept there all night because i didn't want to upset him by getting up and moving all around and then crawling back into bed. is this any way to live my life? always wondering what will piss him off? Don't get me wrong, he doesn't hit me or anything, it's just all the emotional crap i am sick of. like just this minute, i got a text from him. he sat here all morning and never spoke then when he got to work he sent a long text as mentioned above, so i texted back and said this exactly "to afraid to say this to me so write a fucking book?" he finally just answered me and said he didn't know what he wanted to say, won't write a f***ing thing any more..f***ing problem solved". so i did the only mature thing i could do, i texted back "whatever". I think i can afford to live on my own, i still have two jobs and if i make emily and brian pay up while they are here i can do it. there is just so much wrong right now. did i mention that he went through $100 of brandy in his 10 day vacation? one bottle every day of various sizes. (can't see how that might contribute to any of the problem, can you?)
now it is 2 a.m. i just got home from work...will i sleep on the couch or try to crawl into bed without disturbing him thus upsetting the apple cart...waving a red flag in front of the bull...jiggling the beehive...you get my drift? smart money says i will just stay on the couch. one of the things that makes me so mad is that we never "argue". he just has his say and that is it...end of discussion. he either walks off or gets really pissy, but he NEVER listens to what i have to say. i suppose that is why i have a blog to vent on. oh, and yesterday i got an email from his mom saying they wanted to come and visit on the 23, 24 and 25. just like last year. he told me to write back and say it wasn't a good time, that next month would be better (brian will be gone, he figures). so i wrote back and told her what he said, but i also told her that he was mad that brian was here and it would be a totally uncomfortable dinner with him glaring at everyone. how is that for a bit of justice? I snitched him out to his own mother! i'm not sure what will happen here. today i am just to tired and frustrated to even worry about it anymore.

A picture is worth 160!
The latest fad
DIMPLEPLASTY!
$2-$5k for a small
cut to put dimples in
cheeks or chins.
My butt must be worth
at least a gazillion bucks!

This is my 2nd 160 today. Obviously the first was hours before everything went tits up again.
Does this count as 320? Am I cheating?


He drinks to much
than controls with anger.
Who wants to live
this way anymore?
Security? Happiness?
Who am I kidding?
Maybe the ultimatums
should come from me.

MY SUNDAY 160

Singing 59th St. Bridge Song
walking my dogs along
slow down you move to fast
Now I know why I feel
old beyond my 53
I never in my life used the word
"groovy"!

I have so much to blog about, but not sure how far I will get. The internet is sporadic (at best). I think a flock of geese flew over the rockies and screwed it all up today. And Michael is on vacation this week...so there goes my alone time. Suffice it to say for now the last month has been "interesting"...with more to come. Oh, how will this story all play out? There is Brian..Emily..Tim..Booboo...ribs and no airplanes. I can't be sure even where to begin the whole thing. But the end is even fuzzier in my head. I guess the beginning is a good place to start. Emily turned 18 on april 27th, and her boyfriend came to visit for 10 days. His name is Brian and he is from Pennsylvania (what? you say. How did she come to have a boyfriend 3000 miles away?). Well, they met on x-box live!! Yes, i know...don't even go there, ok? I figure, what is the difference between meeting there, high school, facebook, e-harmony, match.com...etc. Every couple has to meet some place. And I was willing for him to come here..not for her to go there and end up in some white slave ring or worse yet on the Jerry Springer show, fighting over brian with some amish chick gang.. Is that even on anymore? Well, Michael wasn't happy about the whole thing..he didn't want them interfering with his "lifestyle" (what lifestyle is that, you ask)?Beats the shit out of me, I answer. Near as I can see all he does every night after work is to grab his bottle of brandy and Booboo and head for the bedroom to watch tv. Now let me digress here to mention the fact that I have come to the conclusion that Booboo and brandy are the 2 most important things in this world to him. But, on with the story. All went very well, Emily looked great for her very first date. We bought a nice dress and shoes...the whole works. Then the visit continued...and the day before Brian was going to leave Emily says she wants to talk to me about Brian. (YIKES...she is moving to Penn. with him, I just know it). But, much to my amazement, she asks if he can stay here and look for a job. I said it was ok with me, but they had to ask his parents and Michael first. Then I went to work. Next morning Michael gets up..."why isn't Brian at the airport" he says. OOPS...guess they forgot to ask him. So when I told him what was going on, he is very pissed...doesn't speak to me for 3 days, calls in sick to work because he is just so stressed out (his lifestyle is in great danger here, remember). And i took the whole blame because I didn't want him more irritated by Brian and Emily than he already was (they were supposed to ask him, remember?) So, now Brian is here until the end of June, and if he isn't working by then he will have to go back to Penn. and work out something else and save some money or whatever his plans are. It has been very tense to say the least. Michael keeps telling me all things wrong...Brians cologne is to strong..they are to noisy...they dared take Booboo to the park with them...all these little nitpicky shit things. But, let me digress again. Michaels whole attitude is really pissing me off. the main thing that really gets to me is that he is begrudging Brian the same chances he has had numerous times in his life. When he moved up here almost 4 years ago he lived with me for several months with no income at all and I was fine with that, then the first job he got was at target, and after 2 months one morning i said "are you going to work?" and he said "NO. I hate it and I'm not going back". (talk about making a lifestyle change without discussing it with your partner). And since he has been an adult he has moved home to live with his parents at least 3 times that I know of. So, why is he so unwilling to give someone else a break? I just don't get it. And he continues to act like it was some conspiracy on my part to keep Emily from moving away. (I was also on the grassy knoll in Dallas in 1963...even though I was only 6 years old, and don't even ask me about Area 51...I'd have to shoot you). So, that is that part of my story. Then there is the whole
Booboo thing. When I first rescued her from the pound I thought Michael would not like her...but he loves her...almost exclusively, I think. So here is the rib story. A couple of months ago Tim wanted BBQ ribs, so I got some and Mike BBQ'd them. I don't like ribs and Mike didn't either, but Tim and the dogs loved them. So Mike wanted me to buy some more this week. I said I wasn't buying them just for dog food, but he said he would have some. So, after he BBQ's them, he doesn't eat any (not good, he says) Brian has some and there are 4 left for Tim (not very big ones either). So Mike says he is glad he picked the 2 best ones out for Booboo. Well, me being a good mom, swapped them out, and gave the 2 best to Tim (who had just spent all afternoon mowing the lawn)and Booboo got 2 smaller ones. Mike was pissed...another day of the silent treatment. So, what am i missing here? Is it because he never had any kids that he doesn't comprehend the parent/child attachment? Is it because he was the youngest of 6 and fairly spoiled so the world revolves around him? I really am not sure if I'm just to close to see the big picture. The one thing I do know is this. I do not like him trying to control me through anger. It just seems very immature on his part to get mad and sulk every time something doesn't go his way. I don't like feeling like I am walking on eggshells in my own home. Tip-toeing around wondering what will piss him off next.
ok, enough about all of that. I also got fired from winco! not really fired, just terminated. they closed down their demo department and went to an outside marketing company. the good (?) news is, the marketing company called and offered me a job. so i went from $8.75 an hour to $10 an hour. the bad news is the whole program is really messed up. they called last week and said there wasn't any work, so when i went shopping saturday there was some new guy doing demo??? and the products for demoing are not always ordered and the coupons packages haven't been delivered since they switched over. the whole thing is very disorganized. so i am just taking a wait and see approach to the whole thing. if it gets to be more of a hassle than it is worth i will just quit. i am almost sure i can find better things to do on my weekends. i still haven't weeded around my roses, maybe i will just buy a goat. and i need to start getting the pool cleaned up, because i am almost sure that someday summer will arrive. if it weren't for tim taking over the mowing for me this year i would have grass as high as an elephants eye...for that he deserves the two biggest ribs...no matter how upset someone else gets.
gee, do i sound pretty whiney? I just haven't spilled my guts for 3 weeks and it feels good to get it out. and don't get me wrong..i do love michael. he is the best husband i have had...not that it takes a lot to top the previous ones. it's just at this point in my life i am in no mood for ultimatums and poutings and the cone of silence treatment. i don't even mind playing second fiddle to booboo, i also happen to like my dogs more than i like most people. my dogs never pout, give them some kibble and fresh water in the toilet and a walk every day, and they act like they won the lottery.
another high point of my month was that i got pulled over by a state policeman on my way home. i thought i had taken care of that. the thing is, i have a set of trailblazer license plate holders on my car. actually i took them off my old datsun so they have been on my cars for at least 15 years. Last year i got pulled over 6 times (yes 6) because the cops couldn't see all of my tags, the plate covered them up. They always said the same thing.."take the holders off", but i never did. so last month when i got new tags i stuck them half way up on the plates so even friggin' stevie wonder could see them. and still i get pulled over. and why you ask? because i was going 59 in a 55 zone. I was on the interstate..the freeway...I5. what the hell? 1:30 in the morning, not another car around, just me and him. What? is he just bored? in the afternoons going to work on the same stretch you are lucky if anyone is going less than 70. he actually asked me what my hurry was. i thought about telling him i had a heart in the trunk for organ transplant, or that i was trying to beat my time clock to drive way speed record (which is 13 minutes)...but even i could see that would just be asking for a ticket instead of a warning. at times the intelligence of silence outweighs the pure fun of sarcasm (not often, just sometimes). so now every night coming home i creep along at 55 wondering where the little jerk is hiding. One car, diving through quicksand it seems. how will i ever break my record this way?
i believe i will post this now. it's 3 a.m. and bed awaits me. i have been working on this for 4 days now. thanks for listening to my petty whinnings

OH JOY!
A new love waits at my gate.
Fresh, pure, unmarked by
this world of hate.
Why do I do this year after year?
Out with the old..
My new phonebook is here!

(yeah, like that wasn't the highlight of your week too)